Until my pre-frontal cortex develops, I’m choosing not to date. Here’s why:

This post is a guest post entry I created for Makenna Grace’s Makenna’s Meditation blog series, The Grace-FULL Guide. I hope you enjoy 🙂

As a Libra sun with a Leo Venus, it was written in the stars that I was destined to be a certified lover girl. I have so many memories of me snuggled up in my room, reading and writing a juicy rom-com on Wattpad pretending to be the main character. I lived my fictional romantic dreams during high school, but once college came around that all changed. 

During my teen years, I was Ms. Keep A Man. I don’t know how, but I always managed to have a new boyfriend or crush to distract me.

Issa Dee from Insecure had nothing on me.

There was something so innocent about having a boo during high school. I think back to those times and it’s nothing compared to the heartbreak and time wasted I experienced during my early 20s. 

Going into Howard, I didn’t know about the concept of a “Howard Husband” until my sophomore year. I also didn’t realize how hard it is to find one. There are so many women at that school that sometimes I thought I went to Spelman. If you did manage to find one, there was a 99.9% chance you were sister-wives with someone who lived in the same dorm as you.

I foolishly entered college in a long-distance relationship with a boyfriend who no longer was compatible with the woman I was becoming. By the time I was freed from the shackles of our relationship and ventured out into the dating world, I quickly met #that boyfriend you meet at 19 who truly shows you that men ain’t shit. 

Since ending my relationship with my high school sweetheart, I found myself in terrible relationships back to back. Sure, some boyfriends weren’t all that terrible such as the one with the laugh my besties/roommates hated, or the one that I met on Tinder and still text to this day, or even the one who was snowed in with me in Chicago at the beginning of 2024. All of these boyfriends led to lessons that I can teach my future daughters, funny stories to share at dinner parties, and therapy sessions that could pay my therapist’s mortgage. 

While I was going through all of these horrible relationships, my career was taking off. In my senior year at Howard University, I decided to no longer go the public health route. The passing of my Dad the year prior made me realize that life was too short to not do things that bring me joy. As much as I loved Maternal and Child Health, I didn’t think I’d be able to have time for my one true love: content creation. I bailed on my certified Health Educator exam and didn’t tell a soul. I had the perfect application and the perfect recommendation letter, but my heart wasn’t into it. 

Two months later, I landed a full-time job at TikTok thanks to a viral TikTok video resume I created. Hanging in my dorm room and now my Downtown Chicago living room, hangs artwork that says “Make It Happen”. This quote singlehandedly helped get me through every heartbreak, every rough semester, every job rejection, and every blessing to come my way. 

No matter how many breakups I went through, I refused to let that distract me from my goals. If anything, it was fuel for me to go harder because at the end of the day, it’s my life that I have to live through. I wanted to live one that was worth living. One that I’m actively molding and shaping into one that I love. 

As humbly as possible, I’m coming to terms with how much of a boss-ass bitch I am. I’ve had more career pivots than you can imagine, I run 2 successful viral blogs, and I’m following my passion of creating content that I love and enjoy. I work an amazing job created for me, have beautiful fulfilling female friendships, and live alone in a gorgeous 1-bedroom in Chicago. You will never find me in the same place you left me at, I’m somewhere else bigger and better. 

I’ve dated a slew of men who were jealous of who I am becoming and would try to dim my light. I hated that and had enough of it. I know my future partner would never want me to minimize who I am just to make themselves feel better. 

Almost a year ago, I decided to stop dating until my pre-frontal cortex fully developed. It’s been scientifically proven that it takes about 25 years for the adult brain to completely mature and I’ve been obsessed with that fact ever since I learned it. Dating and men have always been distractions for me and as I continue to grow in my career, I can’t afford to deal with that anymore. While my brain is maturing, so am I and I have bigger goals to accomplish and I can’t do that with some sticky, stupid boy in my space trying to block my view from the end goal. 

At 24, I’ve accomplished so much in my life that I am constantly in awe that all of this started because I continuously bet on myself. Every day, I wake up and choose Jade and that is not something I want to take for granted. Being single gives me the freedom to choose the life I want to live. If I could change my career path, quit my internship, and move halfway across the country (did that lol), then I could be completely single for a year.

Being single (no roster, no dating apps) has allowed me to open my eyes to not only what I want out of life, but what I want in a partner. I have an ongoing list of what I’d love out of a future partner; organized by must-haves, non-negotiables, and absolutely nots. Even though some of my past boyfriends were bad, there were a few that have qualities I’d like my future husband to have while simultaneously holding characteristics of things I downright refuse to ever deal with again.

I haven’t been on a first date in almost a year and the truth is, I’m okay with it. My mind has been so clear that I’ve been achieving so many things on my career goals list such as going on my first brand trip, making over 5 figures as an influencer, running a business, getting featured in national publications such as The Wall Street Journal and CNBC, and speaking at a national conference after only 1 year of officially working in early career recruiting. By not dating, I’m able to focus on what matters and that’s me. 

The lover girl in me is still alive and well, but she’s taking a break to protect her heart and mind. She has become a hobby hoarder (Sims 4, reading, trying new recipes, Pilates) and romanticizing the single life. I’ve been focusing on my wellness journey, my career, my friendships, and the life that I’m creating for myself. I know that my future partner is out there and is as eager to meet me as I am to meet him. When 25 hits, I won’t immediately run back into dating but I may slowly allow it to enter my life again. Until then, Jade Walters is the only person I’m dating.