Love, Jade Carson
Home » Thoughts on Grief, Vol. 1
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Thoughts on Grief, Vol. 1

Grief to me is:

Names being incorporated into passwords as a remembrance,

Listening to their favorite music in case they’re nearby to dance and sing along with you,

Little details that you once forgot, come to the forefront and give you something new to smile about your loved one, 

Or something to laugh at…Or something to be angry at…Or something that makes you wish you could rewind time and apologize. 

Grief to me is thinking back to that fateful day and replaying the tapes to the point where sadness became a part of you for the rest of your life. It’s realizing that there are chunks of time you remember too well and some you don’t remember at all. 

It’s having a bad day and wishing you can call them or

having a good day and picking up the phone to dial their number, just to remember that the 10 digits secret access code you had has been resigned. 

Do they know that at the end of that ring used to be the voice of someone I needed? 

Grief is realizing that the last time you saw them really was the last time. 

It reminds you that on every 

Birthday, 

Holiday, 

Anniversary,

that they’re no longer here.

Grief has become such a familiar feeling to me. When she knocks on my door, I am not surprised – I am aware and let her in with open arms. She doesn’t plan on overstaying her welcome. She knows when to leave and when to come back. She leaves a lesson every. single. time. Sometimes, I anticipate her visits. When it’s been a while, I wonder where could be because her presence feels overdue. 

So much grief lives inside of time. So much love does too. Both exist at the same time and have nowhere to go. So it brings me here.

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